To wander away from peace

We found ourselves along the lakeside at dawn, no sounds but the birds and the gentle words you whispered to me. You wouldn’t come with me to Boulder. Suitcases stuck in the corner of your closet that I’ve been living out of; the thought of crawling in there for another 6 months made my stomach itch with spiders. I wanted to strangle you, for the catharsis, a stress test around your neck to hear you scream because, after all, hurting you hurts me — there is one thing I can feel and I feel it beautifully. The one person I thought I wouldn’t live without has changed her dreams, and fallen asleep without me. We sit in the sod and you open your palm. No hard feelings? I want to throw my shoes in the lake, throw my cellphone and my notebooks and my wallet into the lake. I would rather destroy every last thing, shoulder a single little bag and walk heart-heavy across the plains to Boulder. I don’t want to flee; I want to brood my time in peace. I want solitude — from you and your parents, from my future, and from any responsibility. I never loved you: you put your palm back in your lap and look out at the lake. Did you hear me? No, I didn’t, fuck you. She should never have expected me to stay. I expected me to stay. We made love in the fishing boats off the docks; we drank most nights and slept long days in the hammock behind her aunt’s. We wasted weekends downtown at the cafes. We took off our skin and let each other in, and were always foolish to think I could stay. The beauty of these months we’ve spent, it was always meant to be looked back at, a memory of what was had and what we regret.

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8 comments

  1. Gospel Isosceles · March 10

    Beautifully written and raw.

    Like

  2. jasperkerkauwriting · March 11

    I understand this; it makes perfect sense to me. I agree with Gospel Isosceles. This piece is beautifully writing and raw, like almost everything you right. I don’t stay on top of other’s writing the way I should. This is a good reminder of why I need to take more time for others. Thank you Mick for reminding me of why I am a writer. Gospel, you are an inspiration also. I appreciate the fact that you get it also. It makes sense though, you are one of my favorite writers also. Mick is a writer’s writer.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sudden Denouement · March 11

    Reblogged this on Sudden Denouement Literary Collective and commented:
    Mick Hugh/Mick’s Neon Fog

    Like

  4. davekingsbury · March 12

    Has the ring of truth – the variety of detail escapes cliché altogether!

    Liked by 1 person

    • MickHugh · March 13

      Thanks! If there’s one thing i painfully try to avoid… it’s those damn cliches

      Liked by 2 people

      • davekingsbury · March 13

        I sometimes use them but only to send them up or give them a twist.

        Like

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